Drillbit Taylor is the high school movie no one needed.  A “comedy” in the sense that there’s no dramatic action whatsoever, Drillbit Taylor fails to deliver at all.

In the movie, three nerdy high school freshmen, tired of being bullied, look to hire a bodyguard.  After a litany of interviews (including cameos by Chuck Liddell and Adam Baldwin) they happen upon Drillbit Taylor (Owen Wilson), basically a stock Owen Wilson character, only homeless.  He milks the association, stealing the kids’ stuff, and ostensibly teaches them self-defense.  Taking a liking to the kids, he pretends to be a teacher at the school, and then shacks up with fellow teacher Leslie Mann, only to have his secret revealed at the end of the second act.

The movie is a complete waste.  Adam couldn’t stop me from seeing it, but I know he’s with me when I beg anyone and everyone to skip this movie.  Almost entirely devoid of humor, Kristofor Brown and Seth Rogen’s script compensates by having no character development whatsoever.  Which is OK, because the characters are one-dimensional and uninteresting.  John Hughes also gets a story credit, which makes me sad.  Though littered with interesting people like Stephen Root and Mary Pat Gleason (Ida from The Middleman), the movie is nearly unwatchable.  It took me almost forty minutes to realize I wasn’t watching a long prologue, rather it was just that nothing was going on.

One Star