It helps if you know a Kym.  Maybe yours isn’t dealing with any many personal demons and doesn’t attend court-mandated rehab.  Heck, maybe it is you, at least at certain times.  “Self-centered” isn’t an adequate description here, though it may be a start.  It is more how Kym looks for her role in any conversation, her place in any event.  That doesn’t necessarily mean bringing the spotlight around to her, even if that’s often the case.  It is that utter desperation to fit in, to be acknowledged (if not loved).  And it is a vicious cycle, where her attempts not to be noticed, but to be a noticeable member, just lead her to be pushed away even more.  A losing struggle to find normality.  So, I think knowing a Kym, someone who deep down, maybe way down, has good intentions, but whose attempts to fit in are manifested as a blatant attempt to grab attention helps with the movie.

I’ll get back to Kym/Anne Hathaway shortly (spoiler: when I spend a paragraph talking about how I get a character, I probably liked her), but I wanted to focus on three scenes, at least two of which probably elicited different reactions from my fellow Grouches: the toasting scene at the rehearsal dinner, the dishwasher-stacking scene, and the wedding reception.  And in case I don’t get to them at a later date, just wanted to toss some recognition the way of Jenny Lumet, the first-time screenwriter, and Rosemarie DeWit, who played Rachel.

The toasts at the rehearsal dinner went on an extraordinarily long time, and I loved every minute of it.  Here’s something extremely mundane; after all, who, really, enjoys hearing awkward speeches about two of their friends getting married, much less movie characters they barely know?  And the speeches were awkward, moving, poignant, silly, stupid, and everything else wedding toasts normally are.  In a different movie, I’d certainly agree that the scene went on too long, even if the point was to show how boring these things can be.  But as director Jonathan Demme shows us, the point of this scene isn’t to see people endlessly toasting Rachel and Sydney, it is to see Kym trying to handle people endlessly toasting Rachel and Sydney, desperately trying to plan a toast which will fit in.  It is going to sound ridiculous, but I was cringing on the edge of my seat for the entire scene.  Because Kym, probably surprised that this was a time for people to toast her big sister, was going to turn this ordinary event into a trainwreck.  We knew it and she knew it, even as she frantically clawed for ideas on how to give an ordinary toast.  And so, if you will, Kym is the metaphorical bomb under the table, and the suspense is generated by the other guests, who seem completely oblivious to the surely inevitable explosion.

The dishstacking competition is likely to be one of my favorite scenes of the year.  It is fun, funny, and disturbingly poignant.  Incredibly simple, the soon-to-be son-in-law good-naturedly mocks his future father-in-law’s ability to fit dishes in the dishwasher, a skill in which the old man clearly takes a good amount of pride.  And so, obviously, a competition is borne, egged on by close friends and family.  Ridiculous?  Absolutely.  Clearly part of the reason I love it.  But there’s also the juxtaposition of the insanity that is females planning a wedding with the much more masculine contest to see who can fit more dishes in a dishwasher.  It is absurd and yet honest.  The groom and father of the bride have gotten along swimmingly, but, after all, he’s the new generation, stealing away daddy’s little girl.  And amid all the chaos and tension of a wedding, here’s something they can do to just push everything aside.

And Kym even manages to get subsumed in the madness, at least for a moment.  But in achingly beautiful fashion, while being more helpful than anyone present, Kym manages to bring the entire thing to a crashing halt (Bill Irwin is so good for this scene, by the way).  Going from off-the-rails fun to tenderly sad, especially when it seems no one quite knows why Irwin is experiencing this sudden attack of sorrow, just made for tremendous scene, in my book.

Finally, the wedding reception, which took over the top to whole new levels.  it is pretty likely the scene stems directly from Demme’s experience as a director of music videos and films of live performances.  At the very least, it explains what Robyn Hitchcock was doing in the movie.  Here’s the thing.  I’m completely convinced the absurdity was intentional.  Sure, view it as a metaphor for how Kym sees the world: a myriad of strange and exotic cultures, none of which quite fit her.  But I saw it more as fun insanity.  I suppose I could make argument about how it is a statement on the interracial marriage.  Or a stronger one on how it continues the leitmotif of how music can influences emotions (seriously, music played a bigger factor in this movie than Nick and Norah’s Infinite Playlist, I’d argue).  Mostly, though, I think Demme et al may have created a wedding where it is virtually impossible to not forget yourself and have fun.

To get back to, you know, Oscars, other than best actress, the movie’s been mentioned in at least the film and two supporting races.  Right now the only serious chance may be Debra Winger, but it shouldn’t be.  I think I’d be happy if the film surprises and picks up multiple nominations, but we can cross that bridge when needed.

Anne Hathaway is incredibly beautiful.  It’s just a fact.  But I think I’m managing to put that aside when I say that based on what I’ve seen so far, she absolutely deserves a nomination.  Kym is an incredibly difficult and complex character, and with Hathaway, she is sympathetic when she needs to be, but not all the time, because she isn’t always a likeable character.  At times, it is frustrating as all heck to deal with the Kyms of the world, and we might wish them away in the heat of the moment.  I enjoyed the character of Kym because she wasn’t all good or all evil.  She just felt like a person struggling (more than most, to be sure) to find her place.